Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Greatest Living Irishmen


It takes a particular (or peculiar) caste and mould of man to make a total gobshite of himself to the nation on a weekly basis. Julian Simmons, the chubby camp guy on UTV who pulls grotesque faces and has a mild fit every time he introduces Coronation Street, is one such man.

Julian is a small part of the fabric of Ireland's underground elite, joining other luminaries like Daniel O'Donnell, Red Hurley, Sonny Knowles, Richie Kavanagh etc. in that particular set of celebrities who are widely ridiculed but yet retain enough of a stealth following, mostly among house-bound pensioners, to keep them relevant.

Doubtful though the talents of some of these people are, those of 'Ore Jewleean' are particularly precarious. His fame and popularity seem to be solely predicated on his ability to purse his lips, draw his chin back into his neck before flapping his arms limply and adopting a stagey Belfast accent, all before introducing Coronation Street in perfect gay, delighting 'older' women everywhere - (Gummy bingo goers who wear massive industrial strength knickers to you and me). Wearing a pink bow tie or some other such garish comic horror, he blabbers thus:

"An' nigh on the Yew TV, thon' there Deirdre is running abite cluckin' like maud with her turkey neck all a twicthin' after Tracey Barlow's latest escapade with that rogue trader Charlie. An' no-one to take care o' the wee chile only poor Ken an' sure he'd rather be readin' a book are samthin! Lord blay-iss us all, but it's awl kickin off over and going right maud over thar on thon Coronation Street. An' a big whadda-bite-ye to big Jum Devereaux in Waist Bail-fawst whose wife called to get us to say hello and remind him that his lemon meringue coloured Y-fronts are still out on the washing line and will need taking in if they're to be ready for his sponsored walk tomorrow..."

For fucks sake, how do these people get work? I despair.

7 moos and woofs:

Radge said...

He's this generation's Eoin McLove. Or Les Dawson, only more gaysexual.

I'm against flaboyance.

Anonymous said...

Hi, i was looking over your blog and didn't
quite find what I was looking for. I'm looking for
different ways to earn money... I did find this though...
a place where you can make some nice extra cash secret shopping.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

Rosie said...

back when dublin was the centre of the universe and the MTV awards were in town, the only celebrity i saw prowling the streets was the bould Jules. i nearly puked with excitement.

ninest123 Ninest said...

ninest123 07.27
coach factory outlet, tiffany jewelry, coach outlet, burberry, longchamp, michael kors outlet, michael kors, kate spade handbags, true religion jeans, jordan shoes, polo ralph lauren outlet, louboutin shoes, prada outlet, longchamp outlet, nike free, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet, christian louboutin outlet, ray ban sunglasses, louboutin, gucci outlet, coach outlet, kate spade outlet, michael kors outlet, burberry outlet online, tory burch outlet, chanel handbags, ray ban sunglasses, tiffany and co, nike air max, nike outlet, longchamp outlet, oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet, coach purses, polo ralph lauren outlet, prada handbags, louboutin outlet, oakley sunglasses, replica watches, nike air max, oakley sunglasses

ninest123 Ninest said...

oakley pas cher, nike free, nike blazer, new balance pas cher, mulberry, hollister, abercrombie and fitch, louboutin pas cher, air max, air jordan pas cher, ray ban uk, lacoste pas cher, longchamp pas cher, sac longchamp, vanessa bruno, ralph lauren uk, north face, sac guess, converse pas cher, north face, nike free run uk, michael kors, hogan, true religion outlet, hermes, vans pas cher, tn pas cher, nike air max, michael kors, lululemon, michael kors, nike air max, true religion jeans, ray ban pas cher, air force, nike air max, true religion jeans, nike roshe run, burberry, hollister pas cher, ralph lauren pas cher, timberland

ninest123 Ninest said...

iphone 6 cases, insanity workout, new balance, soccer jerseys, longchamp, abercrombie and fitch, valentino shoes, ghd, hollister, hollister, oakley, mont blanc, celine handbags, instyler, giuseppe zanotti, asics running shoes, babyliss, lululemon, soccer shoes, herve leger, north face outlet, bottega veneta, chi flat iron, beats by dre, p90x workout, nike huarache, nike trainers, birkin bag, timberland boots, mac cosmetics, nike roshe, reebok shoes, north face outlet, baseball bats, ferragamo shoes, mcm handbags, jimmy choo shoes, vans shoes, nike roshe, nike air max, nfl jerseys, wedding dresses

ninest123 Ninest said...

swarovski crystal, thomas sabo, ugg boots, replica watches, marc jacobs, juicy couture outlet, supra shoes, ray ban, bottes ugg, montre pas cher, coach outlet, ugg boots uk, ugg boots, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, converse outlet, louboutin, ralph lauren, pandora jewelry, ugg boots, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, karen millen, pandora charms, nike air max, hollister, ugg pas cher, wedding dresses, toms shoes, ugg boots, lancel, vans, uggs on sale, swarovski, links of london, converse, juicy couture outlet, gucci, pandora charms, hollister
ninest123 07.27

Post a Comment