Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Getting my oats


I was attacked by a bowl of porridge this morning would you believe. It was all my arse's fault.

Now don't get me wrong. I like porridge. Nowadays anyway. For years I actually loathed it as a lumpy, curdled gloop that only my grandad could possibly like, and at that, only because still-near memories of the famine made him eat all sorts of foul shite and exhort us young 'uns to stop moaning and get that stirabout down our necks. Nah. Industrial-sized pots of thick pasty porridge bubbling on our stove didn't so much make me hanker for a bowl of goodness as start me wondering why my mother was boiling a colony of lepers for breakfast.

Alas, my whining, refusals and arguments about corn flakes fell on deaf ears. I was made eat it, and so childhood school mornings were a daily endurance test as I gagged my way through to the bottom of the bowl.

The ad on TV and radio used to bring me out in a cold sweat. Some posh perfect mumsy type chirping cheerfully: "Start the day the Flahavan's way, the natural way to start the day, a fibre fit way to start the day on a cold and frosty morning." Pah, stick it up your hole Mrs. Von Trapp.

All that I had to endure did afford me a sort of kudos at school however, where classmates were amazed that both force-feeding and Dickensian poorhouse breakfasts were still features of modern Ireland. They didn't think I was hard or anything, just stoic and deserving of respect for bearing uncool parents with such quiet dignity.

As soon as I was old enough, myself and porridge parted ways for a long time. I got in with all sorts of cheerios, cocoa pops, Kellogg's Start and other flaky characters. But then, after years in the wilderness I decided I wanted to be fit and healthy, took up going to the gym and started hearing all sorts of wonderful things about porridge. Carbs. Lean protein. GI rating. Wow. It seemed the old pot of stodge was making a come back. It was cool to eat porridge!

I've been eating it for quite some time now. I make it myself so it's never lumpy, add lots of milk so it's never thick and a spoonful of honey sweetens the medicine and helps it all go down and quite why this sentence involves Mary Poppins imagery I'm not sure.

Anyway, before I forget the reason for this post, me and the porridge were getting along just fine until I sat down beside a steaming bowl of it this morning without realising that the lip of the place mat it was resting on was poking over the side of the table. My arse snagged it on the way past as I sat. The place mat flipped. The bowl went flying. And there was my porridge like road kill all over the carpet and all over me.

The next few things I said had alot of asterisks in.

Then I stood up and as my breakfast oozed down my legs to the floor like grey lava, I wondered was this payback for all the nasty things I said about it in the past. Or maybe my arse is still too big.

12 moos and woofs:

Anonymous said...

thts goooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddddddddddd...............

Anonymous said...

Aw crap...

ninest123 Ninest said...

ninest123 07.27
coach factory outlet, tiffany jewelry, coach outlet, burberry, longchamp, michael kors outlet, michael kors, kate spade handbags, true religion jeans, jordan shoes, polo ralph lauren outlet, louboutin shoes, prada outlet, longchamp outlet, nike free, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet, christian louboutin outlet, ray ban sunglasses, louboutin, gucci outlet, coach outlet, kate spade outlet, michael kors outlet, burberry outlet online, tory burch outlet, chanel handbags, ray ban sunglasses, tiffany and co, nike air max, nike outlet, longchamp outlet, oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet, coach purses, polo ralph lauren outlet, prada handbags, louboutin outlet, oakley sunglasses, replica watches, nike air max, oakley sunglasses

ninest123 Ninest said...

oakley pas cher, nike free, nike blazer, new balance pas cher, mulberry, hollister, abercrombie and fitch, louboutin pas cher, air max, air jordan pas cher, ray ban uk, lacoste pas cher, longchamp pas cher, sac longchamp, vanessa bruno, ralph lauren uk, north face, sac guess, converse pas cher, north face, nike free run uk, michael kors, hogan, true religion outlet, hermes, vans pas cher, tn pas cher, nike air max, michael kors, lululemon, michael kors, nike air max, true religion jeans, ray ban pas cher, air force, nike air max, true religion jeans, nike roshe run, burberry, hollister pas cher, ralph lauren pas cher, timberland

ninest123 Ninest said...

iphone 6 cases, insanity workout, new balance, soccer jerseys, longchamp, abercrombie and fitch, valentino shoes, ghd, hollister, hollister, oakley, mont blanc, celine handbags, instyler, giuseppe zanotti, asics running shoes, babyliss, lululemon, soccer shoes, herve leger, north face outlet, bottega veneta, chi flat iron, beats by dre, p90x workout, nike huarache, nike trainers, birkin bag, timberland boots, mac cosmetics, nike roshe, reebok shoes, north face outlet, baseball bats, ferragamo shoes, mcm handbags, jimmy choo shoes, vans shoes, nike roshe, nike air max, nfl jerseys, wedding dresses

ninest123 Ninest said...

swarovski crystal, thomas sabo, ugg boots, replica watches, marc jacobs, juicy couture outlet, supra shoes, ray ban, bottes ugg, montre pas cher, coach outlet, ugg boots uk, ugg boots, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, converse outlet, louboutin, ralph lauren, pandora jewelry, ugg boots, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, karen millen, pandora charms, nike air max, hollister, ugg pas cher, wedding dresses, toms shoes, ugg boots, lancel, vans, uggs on sale, swarovski, links of london, converse, juicy couture outlet, gucci, pandora charms, hollister
ninest123 07.27

Hua Cai said...

michael kors handbags sale
coach outlet
ferragamo shoes
jerseys wholesale
longchamp bags
michael kors handbags outlet
rolex watches
swarovski jewelry
adidas wings shoes
polo ralph lauren outlet
20170105caihuali

Gege Dai said...

michael kors
ferragamo outlet
cheap oakley sunglasses
true religion jeans
uggs outlet
oakley sunglasses wholesale
rolex watches,rolex watches,swiss watches,watches for men,watches for women,omega watches,replica watches,rolex watches for sale,rolex replica,rolex watch,cartier watches,rolex submariner,fake rolex,rolex replica watches,replica rolex
nba jerseys
nike roshe run
ray bans
20170119lck

dong dong23 said...

polo ralph lauren
louis vuitton
cheap jordans
longchamp handbags
replica rolex watches
pandora bracelet
adidas outlet
adidas nmd r1
coach outlet
christian louboutin
20172.28wengdongdong

ling ling said...

by: www.alatbantusexterbaru.com
Hello sir, after I read the article you get to the bottom, It is very interesting to look at, it can provide benefits, and also the lessons, I really like it.
so that I can remember with this master page and be back here, I leave a trail so that I could track my trail I have ever visit
alat bantu sex pria
alat bantu sex wanita
I apologize if I trace unfavorable.

Meiqing Xu said...

golden state warriors jerseys
toms outlet store
fitflops sale clearance
james shoes
fred perry polo
pandora jewelry
coach factory outlet
longchamp outlet
christian louboutin shoes
adidas yeezy
20170316caiyan

Gege Dai said...

hxy3.29
michael kors handbags
michael kors wallets for women
air max 90
michael kors factory outlet
michael kors outlet online
true religion jeans outlet
louis vuitton outlet
louis vuitton outlet
oakley sunglasses
marc jacobs outlet

Post a Comment