Tuesday, October 23, 2007

I'm banjaxed


I think it was Spike Milligan who said he had the body of an 18 year old - apparently he kept it at home in his fridge. In similar fashion, I have the body of a pensioner, but sadly I actually have to live in mine.

Pursuing fitness and personal health comes at a cost to your fitness and health you know. You see, I've been taking a little rest from the gym the past week because of a few niggles to my knees (both of them), back (all of it), and neck, and shoulders and ankles, plus me calves and shins. I've been using the time to eat lots of crap and reflect on just what a steaming pile of shite my body is. No seriously. I've never played a rough team sport or had a serious injury or spell of hospitalisation in my life, yet if I get so much as a whiff of a treadmill the cursed thing nearly puts me in traction for a month.

It's frustrating, I'm pissed off. All's I want is to do my little bit of health-giving gymming a few times a week and not end up shuffling around in a hunch going "oooooh me lumbago" every five minutes. I'm starting to think I'm just poorly put together and made of genetic spare parts or something, like God had nothing left so he put me together from whatever was left on the shelf.

I've tried to get it sorted out professionally. I went to a chiropractor first of all, who assessed how I walk and gave me things to put in my shoes and told me I was mis-aligned up my right hand side and had fallen arches. This was alot to take in at one go, it sounded like I was for the knacker's yard but she was quite cute and kept smiling at me so I got over it. She then proceeded to fling me around the room for a few minutes, crunching so many bits that I sounded like a herd of pigs eating a trough full of almonds. I went through this regularly for a few months and after every visit my condition would improve slightly, but at one stage I just stopped going after realising I could be seeing this person for the rest of my life for short term gains but without ever truly sorting my aches and pains out. And the chiropractor was quite happy to continue taking my money and was becoming noticeably evasive when I pushed for feedback and details on my progress. So I gave her the arse.

Now I go to an Osteopath. He crunches me too but also sticks little needles in me and makes me do funny stretches and routines and stuff. I should soon qualify for employment at the Ministry of Silly Walks, if they'll have me. Injuries permitting and all. So far results have been good though, I've made much more progress than with the chiropractor but all the while, still know that if I try anything wild, like say a sprint on the treadmill, or a few minutes on the rower, I could end up bed-ridden for the rest of my days.

There's times I wonder if I have muscle and bone at all like normal folk. Or will my osteopath turn to me one day and go, "Ah yes I've found the problem. Instead of the normal skeletal structures, you're actually made up of an elaborate network of chicken wire and elastic bands. That's why you're such a spongy git. You're fucked. 50 quid please."

Sure I'll be sorted eventually. Fingers crossed. Although very carefully. Just in case.

12 moos and woofs:

Grandad said...

Hah! They are laughing at you while they take your money.

It's old age. Get used to it. :)

The upside to it is that you can bore the women with your aches, instead of the other way around.

Terence McDanger said...

Old? I'm only 31! I can handle the odd grey hair no problems but spaghetti hamstrings and glass ankles surely aren't supposed to be a feature until much later in life.

I shall defer to your wisdom and obvious experience on this matter however.

Paul Heron said...

Terence you should seriously consider getting all your posts together for a book or something - some of them are priceless :-)

Terence McDanger said...

Ach you're too kind. I'm from GAA stock though so the honour and glory of a few people looking in and liking it will do...

(long pause while stroking cat deliberately)

...for now. Mwahhaahahhahhaha!

ninest123 Ninest said...

ninest123 07.27
coach factory outlet, tiffany jewelry, coach outlet, burberry, longchamp, michael kors outlet, michael kors, kate spade handbags, true religion jeans, jordan shoes, polo ralph lauren outlet, louboutin shoes, prada outlet, longchamp outlet, nike free, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet, christian louboutin outlet, ray ban sunglasses, louboutin, gucci outlet, coach outlet, kate spade outlet, michael kors outlet, burberry outlet online, tory burch outlet, chanel handbags, ray ban sunglasses, tiffany and co, nike air max, nike outlet, longchamp outlet, oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet, coach purses, polo ralph lauren outlet, prada handbags, louboutin outlet, oakley sunglasses, replica watches, nike air max, oakley sunglasses

ninest123 Ninest said...

oakley pas cher, nike free, nike blazer, new balance pas cher, mulberry, hollister, abercrombie and fitch, louboutin pas cher, air max, air jordan pas cher, ray ban uk, lacoste pas cher, longchamp pas cher, sac longchamp, vanessa bruno, ralph lauren uk, north face, sac guess, converse pas cher, north face, nike free run uk, michael kors, hogan, true religion outlet, hermes, vans pas cher, tn pas cher, nike air max, michael kors, lululemon, michael kors, nike air max, true religion jeans, ray ban pas cher, air force, nike air max, true religion jeans, nike roshe run, burberry, hollister pas cher, ralph lauren pas cher, timberland

ninest123 Ninest said...

iphone 6 cases, insanity workout, new balance, soccer jerseys, longchamp, abercrombie and fitch, valentino shoes, ghd, hollister, hollister, oakley, mont blanc, celine handbags, instyler, giuseppe zanotti, asics running shoes, babyliss, lululemon, soccer shoes, herve leger, north face outlet, bottega veneta, chi flat iron, beats by dre, p90x workout, nike huarache, nike trainers, birkin bag, timberland boots, mac cosmetics, nike roshe, reebok shoes, north face outlet, baseball bats, ferragamo shoes, mcm handbags, jimmy choo shoes, vans shoes, nike roshe, nike air max, nfl jerseys, wedding dresses

ninest123 Ninest said...

swarovski crystal, thomas sabo, ugg boots, replica watches, marc jacobs, juicy couture outlet, supra shoes, ray ban, bottes ugg, montre pas cher, coach outlet, ugg boots uk, ugg boots, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, converse outlet, louboutin, ralph lauren, pandora jewelry, ugg boots, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, karen millen, pandora charms, nike air max, hollister, ugg pas cher, wedding dresses, toms shoes, ugg boots, lancel, vans, uggs on sale, swarovski, links of london, converse, juicy couture outlet, gucci, pandora charms, hollister
ninest123 07.27

chenlina said...

chenlina20151202
louis vuitton outlet online
fake oakley sunglasses
michaek kors outlet
michael kors outlet
coach outlet online
ray ban sunglasses
ugg boots
mulberry handbags
louis vuitton outlet
louis vuitton handbags
louis vuitton outlet
uggs on sale
mont blanc legend
uggs on sale
ugg australia
cheap uggs
canada goose outlet
michael kors bag
canada goose jackets
coach factory outlet
louboutin pas cher
michael kors outlet
oakley sunglasses cheap
toms outlet
toms shoes
louis vuitton bags
ugg boots
louis vuitton handbags
toms shoes
cheap jordans
burberry outlet
uggs on sale
nike huarache shoes
soccer shoes
prada handbags
hollister uk
louis vuitton outlet
north face jackets
tod's shoes
north face outlet
as

Hua Cai said...

prada outlet
beats by dre
cazal outlet
mlb jerseys
hermes belt for sale
ray ban sunglasses
reebok trainers
coach outlet store
louis vuitton outlet store
swarovski jewelry
fitflops sale
burberry outlet
rolex watches
hollister
hermes bags
polo outlet
ray-ban sunglasses
chrome hearts outlet online
ray ban sunglasses
true religion outlet
chaussure louboutin
tory burch outlet
ralph lauren outlet
louis vuitton sunglasses
hermes outlet
versace sunglasses
oakley sunglasses
tiffany outlet
ray ban sunglasses
swarovski crystal
michael kors handbags
mulberry handbags
michael kors uk outlet
basketball shoes,basketball sneakers,lebron james shoes,sports shoes,kobe bryant shoes,kobe sneakers,nike basketball shoes,running shoes,mens sport shoes,nike shoes
prada sunglasses for women
20160615caihuali

chenlili said...

louis vuitton canada
michael kors outlet clearance
ugg boots clearance
gucci outlet
ugg sale
louis vuitton purses
ugg canada
ugg boots sale
uggs on sale
basketball shoes
coach outlet
fitflops sale clearance
oakley sunglasses
michael kors outlet
coach factory outlet
louis vuitton outlet
canada goose jackets
toms shoes
ray ban sunglasses
ugg boots
gucci outlet
rolex watches
ugg outlet
michael kors outlet
ray ban sunglasses outlet
tommy hilfiger outlet
hollister clothing
true religion jeans
nike air max 2016
christian louboutin sale
coach outlet
coach factory outlet
ugg australia
michael kors handbags
ugg boots
tory burch handbags
louis vuitton outlet
chenlili20160912

dong dong23 said...

oakley sunglasses
coach outlet
instyler
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton
filafila shoes
coach handbags
christian louboutin pas cher
nhl jerseys
louis vuitton outlet
20172.28wengdongdong

Post a Comment