Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Stop thief


About two months ago I stole a work colleague's Toffee Crisp for a joke and now I'm not sure whether I should just eat the feckin' thing or give it back.

She suspects me as the thief alright because apparently it's "typical of the shite I'd get up to" but she can't be absolutely certain it's me that nicked it. And in truth I've done a really good job of deflecting attention elsewhere. I'm a good bullshitter.

It's been a small laugh in fairness. I set up a special email address and started sending her messages purporting to be from the robbers, warning her not to go to the cops, don't wear a wire (as in listening device, not her bra like) and basically said don't mess us about we're serious people. Plus assorted other ransom note clichés from old cop shows.

I attached pictures of the Toffee Crisp in the emails I sent and had little messages in there from the bar itself, pleading with her to do whatever the robbers demanded or else they'd put it on a radiator to die. Or allow its expiry date come and go and basically just let it melt to a horrible mucky, chocolatey death. She's been enjoying the craic of the whole thing to be honest but it's all run out of steam now. I told her in the last email that if she wanted it back she had to stand up in the office and say in a really loud voice in front of everyone: "All I want is my toffee crisp back. You bastards!"

And do you know what? She never bothered her hole. It goes out of date in November and now I'm wondering what to do with it. Making a sheepish approach to her desk and returning it is, on reflection, out of the question. I'll have to think on it.

It's pressing matters like these that weigh upon the minds of important men like me.

13 moos and woofs:

Baino said...

You could take the wrapper off and stick it in the ladies loo just before she makes her next visit! Definitely got the eeuuuwww factor.

Paul Heron said...

Melt it on the radiator (she had her chance!) and leave the remains on her desk ;-)

Daz said...

Toffee Crisp? You should try Double Deckers, they're pretty damn good.

Twenty Major said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Twenty Major said...

Inject it with SARS and put it back on her desk.

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