The tooth is out there

I had a rotten tooth reefed out by the dentist ages ago and was both surprised and amazed to recently notice that a new one was growing in its place.

Back to Al Dente's with me for a check-up - he's not Italian or anything but I call all dentists this - and I could hardly wait to direct him to the molar miracle taking place where previously he thought there was only pain and decay.

"Look! Look!" I exclaimed breathlessly as he started rotating the chair. "It's growing back! The tooth you took out is growing back!"

He seemed unsuitably not exactly bowled over by my news.

"And I'm 31 like! Sure I shouldn't be growing teeth," I added, certain that if my bloody hair had decided to stop making the effort then surely my teeth would be following suit.

Dentist-like, Al Dente merely said: "Well let's take a look then."

As he rummaged and tinkered around in me gob and ummed and ahhed, I lay there contemplating the amazing restorative powers of my unique body. I pondered life as a master thief in Saudi Arabia, where the authorities amputate your limbs as punishment if they catch you, but to me this would of course be no deterrent whatsoever. My amazing body would simply sprout new arms and legs on demand and while I legged it away over the horizon cackling manically and flipping the bird to the towel-head authorities, I'd scream at them that they should have lopped off my willy as well, I could do with growing a bigger one ho ho ho.

I was interrupted from my reverie by Al telling me, with a sympathetic grin I just knew he reserved for kids, that it was actually my wisdom tooth coming up. Removing the other tooth had simlply made room for it in my "overcrowded mouth."

Great. So not only am I not Superman, I have a mouth stocked like a tenement.

"Thanksh alog Al."

Anyhoo, the tooth is literally out there now. Norman wisdom-tooth is edging his way out of my sore gums a little every day. When he stops making my jaw swell and hurt I'll come to love him like the others but it's hard not to think of what might have been.

All the same, at least my lonely hearts ads of the future can have the added enticement "has full set of teeth." The ladies like this apparently, especially the ones who can't cook I assume.