Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Sally Fletcher, an appreciation

It was with shock, disappointment, sadness and a profound sense of loss that I recently learned of Sally's intentions to leave 'Strailyan soap opera, Hymen Wye.

Sally is one of just two original cast members still on the show; the other is the routinely apoplectic and incendiary Alf Stewart, who is probably 'blowing his top' over the news right now, and calling someone a 'flamin' mongrel' as he struggles to come to terms with it all.
We've all grown up with little Sally on the show and life won't be quite the same without her. She became the first in the show's lengthy parade of foster children when she was taken in as a little 'un by Tom and Pippa Fletcher. Tom and Pippa were benevolent souls who loved collecting troubled kiddies and stashing them away in caravans on a sprawling 1000-acre park out the back of their house. Some of them never saw the light of day again but died happy in the knowledge that at last they had found a home they could call their own, however fleetingly.

It was in the caravan park that little Sally met her best friend ever, the terminally stupid Lance. Prior to this, Sally had only been friends with invisible dairy farmer Milko, who only she could see because as well as being a clever, intelligent and well-mannered child, she also had superpowers and second sight.

Sally grew up to be a model foster-child, encouraging Tom and Pippa to take in more and more strays. Bobby and Carly and Frank and Steven and Danii Minogue were just some of the troubled teens that passed through and Sally was a surrogate mum to them all just as much as Pippa was. Helping to raise 48 foster brothers and sisters brought its strains however and she went off the rails, just once, and got plastered drunk at a beach party. She was caught 'red-handed' in her inebriated state by an incandescent Alf, who completely blew his top and called her a flamin' mongrel and this put her back on track quick smart.
Sally was distraught when Tom died after injuries sustained when he went to the fridge in the middle of the night for some OJ and tripped across a family of Vietnamese boat children sleeping on the living room floor. Poor Tom went headlong through a window and went to the great caravan park in the sky. It later took Sally some time to warm to Pippa's new beau and Tom's replacement, Michael McBoatyard, who won her around by telling her that he wasn't Tom's replacement.

Lil Sal was very good at the books and went on to Uni 'in the city' where Samma Bye's smartest characters went when seeking to further their education or when Yabbie Creek wasn't exciting enough. Sally came back all grown up and business-like to manage the Bonza Burger outlet at the local Surf Club. This was where Samma Bye kids used to hang out all day grunting over really small weights in the gym and playing pool very, very poorly indeed. She did this with typical diligence and then got into teaching at Samma Bye Hoi where she used her superpowers to rapidly ascend to the post of Principal within three months.

At one stage she went off to Ireland for a while and came back with a boyfriend called Kieran but he wasn't treating her right so she gave him the arse. She then married some bloke called Flynn despite the fact that he had seemingly killed the original Flynn and took his place, with nobody noticing although he was shorter, stockier and didn't have long blond hair. The same thing had happened Pippa years earlier even down to the shorter, stockier dark hair bit but Sally never batted an eye, prompting speculation that Sally may have been a body snatcher from Mars. Never subsequently proven.

She's now getting married again but fans will nevertheless be upset at her leaving the show. She has become a staple in all of our lives over the last 20 years. Indeed, Hymen Wye fans don't react well to change, as shown when they revolted against the recently re-recorded theme song at the end of the show. Ronan Keating did the vocals and predictably sang through his nose and lishped alot so the tune was quickly re-recorded after Alf Stewart blew his top when he heard it and called Keating a flamin' mongrel and an 'accident looking for a place to happen'.

Sigh. Goodbye Sally, you can finally be with Milko now.

9 moos and woofs:

Baino said...

Stone the crows Terrence! And we were getting along so well! Next you'll be telling me you drink Fosters!

Terence McDanger said...

Don't dob me in Baino, if I get sued I won't have a brass razoo left to me name!

Next week, a short thesis on the merits of Prisoner Cell Block H. You have been warned!

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