Swing the mood

I've just read back through some of my recent posts and have come to the conclusion that I'm a right crabby old shite and badly need to lighten the mood in here.

It's all well and good to vent and rant about things, but in a neat turning of the tables, today's post is about things I actually like. It took me quite a while (and therefore the post is late), but I came up with the following things that I am in favour of, on the whole:

Radiators: They keep us warm when it's cold. I'm beside one writing this and I can vouch for their credentials. Just don't sit on them or you'll get piles.

The sun: It's a grand yoke altogether, a big blazing friendly ould fireball that like radiators, keeps you warm, but unlike radiators, doesn't cause piles. It helps us make our own food by helping plants to grow, and helps plants to grow by helping them make their own food. Like how cool is that? It also gives people funny stripes if they try sunbathing with some bits covered up, such as pornstars with the milky white half-moon shapes on their boobies that always remind me of Mickey Mouse's ears, from a distance. And also, makes me wonder why sunbathing topless poses a moral conundrum for them when having sex with three oompah loompahs in a swimming pool full of lemon curd, while throwing hedgehogs at a musketeer's bare arse, doesn't. Anyway, the sun is great, just not to moles. As in the ones on your skin like. And come to think of it, the little blind ones that live underground as well, because let's face it, if they liked the sun they'd never live underground.

Cavan: You can say what you like about Cavan and most of you probably do, but it's a lovely place and we're not tight-fisted at all. Nor do we eat little children. We stopped all that last year, someone got food poisoning off a young one from Killeshandra. Where they don't wash their kids in dettol like they do everywhere else in Cavan. The filthy gets.

The History Channel: I never fail to find something good to watch on the history channel. It's the channel that keeps on giving. Except when you watch it for too long and by evening time you're looking at the same thing you watched that morning. Which still technically makes it the channel that keeps on giving but it's not as much fun. Which still technically makes it the channel that keeps on giving but it's not as much fun. See what I mean?

Cows: Ok ok, I've done this already and won't go into it all again, but if man's best friend is a dog, then cows are plainly just in a different league entirely. Now I will concede that cows aren't much good at rounding up sheep or fetching the paper, in the same way that say, pigs are useless when it comes to feeding goldfish, but cows are still great as they don't get hairs all over the couch, bite the postman, chase parked cars or hump your leg and lick their own (frankly, very disturbing) erections afterwards. I'm sorry but it had to be said.

George Formby: For some reason, I am comforted by the notion that there exist people so irrevocably happy that you could insult, annoy, or poke them with a big stick and then feed to a pack of rottweilers, and they'd just grin gormlessly at you and then launch into a song called "Oooooh my old aunt Maud has a big yella jumper, and swears she's the milkman's uncle."
I love George Formby.

The makeup women in Arnotts: It's so much fun trying to decide if they've overdone it with the foundation, or just spent the morning face down in a bowl of bolognese.

Now for you, there's seven things I like. More of this later, I actually quite enjoyed writing this. Bye now.