I'm feeling a bit guilty today. I've just remembered a pet tortoise that died in my care back in 1986.
I bought him because a petshop opened in the village and because this was as near to exotica as rural Cavan was ever going to get I wanted to buy something quickly before they packed up and left after realising that there was no demand for piranha and seahorses round our way. I wanted a rabbit or some Vietnamese fighting fish, or perhaps a baby elephant, but could only scrape up the money for a small terrapin after saving pocket money for months. I called him Tommy. I was big into alliteration back then and was mulling over Tina, Tony and even Taggart, (because he had wrinkly bags under his eyes like the dour detective on telly and his shell looked like the tartan on a kilt). I went with Tommy in the end though.
I was initially delighted with the purchase. Tommy yawned, stuck his head in and out and did little poos in his tank. I gave him food and he'd clamber up a little ramp to the feeding bowl and tuck in. He was great. For about three days. Then I had to wash the tank out and I must admit, scraping off tortoise poo was not something I'd bargained for when planning the purchase. He couldn't do any tricks either, such as handstands, overhead flips or water-skiing, he just pottered about and slept most of the time. I began to resent him because he wasn't an Andrex puppy. Tommy was losing his appeal so I just gradually abandoned him and let my Mum do the feeding and poo-cleaning and stuff. You know, sort of like she'd done for me for years, so I figured another mouth to feed and bum to clean wouldn't tax her unduly.
One morning I came down to breakfast and he was on his back floating in the water. I knew little of animal medicine, what with being ten and everything, but I was fairly sure that these particular symptoms meant he had a common but fatal condition known as 'being dead'. He had passed on, was deceased, he was a non-terrapin.
So anyway, I did the tactful thing like any ten-year-old would, and wrapped him in tinfoil and chucked him down the garden.
I was thinking about him today because, as I haven't spawned yet myself - i.e. no kids - I thought it might be nice to have a dog instead. Dogs offer a good substitute and are very like kids you know - there's the unconditional love, drool, poo anywhere tendencies and a predilection for eating almost anything. I think a dog would be good training for me ahead of the pit patter of little McDanger feet, but reflecting on my track record doesn't fill me with confidence.
I think I need to make my peace with the departed Tommy to move on. He would have been 21 next week, so I was considering putting this in the deaths section of the newspaper:
THOMAS (Turtle)
21st Anniversary. Late of a small tank - a water tank, not a military tank! - in rural Cavan. Died sometime in 1986. Much missed by Terence McDanger. Well, actually no, there's just a bit of guilt going on and he's trying to get past it so he can buy a dog.
"There are so many things I should have done and so many things I should have said. But it'll have to wait because this is costing me 10 cents a letter and that’s 44.70 so beta go b4 runnin
7 moos and woofs:
Poor Tommy. Let us know a date for the Anniversary Mass, don't forget...
As you're a Cavanite, may I assume you'll be getting the black-and-white-chases-traffic-rides-a-tractor standard? What the rest of the world calls a border collie, only without the pedigree? An excellent choice for parenthood training, being hyperactive, often muddy, and far too cunning.
Or, I've got some kids you can practice on for a few weeks. I can pick them up again after Christmas; collie included.
Ok, now I want a terrapin, its been over 20 years since I last had one, but that post tugs at my heart strings. Poor little Tommy....
@Susan, that reminds me of a farmer round our way who had a terrier who used to sit on his lap while he drove around on his tractor. Everyone used to call him the willy-warmer dog!
@Paul, did you have one as well yeah? I feel really guily mine only lasted about a year but apparently the little beggars can go for decades!
LOL
I sense a fello Python lover, so check out http://onemansblog.com/2006/12/01/a-compendium-of-150-monty-python-sketches/
I had a hamster once. Given to me to teach me the responsibilities of pet ownership. I loved it, cleaned its cage, fed it, tamed it then woke up one morning and it had gone all stiff . . not in a good way . . .nobody told me I had to give it a drink . . .I'm much better at animal husbandry now!
Get a labrador. Lots of fun, easy to train and good with kids when the miniMcDanger's come along.
I loved hamsters. Aren't they the little fellers that store food in their cheeks for later? Fed one a whole bag of nuts once just to see how many I could cram in.
http://dogs-blogspot.blogspot.com/
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