Monday, August 13, 2007

Peeves and Bluster # 2

Today's pressing problem is women who wear trousers or tracksuit bottoms with messages written across the arse of them. It's not big and it's not clever.

In fairness, if you were trying to think of a new fashion fad or the next big trend in young person's street couture, plastering random and out of context words across someone's hole wouldn't be the first thing to spring to mind. It just looks fucking stupid for one and what's worse, it immediately draws attention to the size of a woman's arse and for those not blessed with the shapeliest of rears this is definitely not a good thing.

The mind boggles. I've seen chain-smoking, greasy-haired, pram-pushing single mums from the nearby flats and what have they written on their arses? "SEXY." Will you ever go and fuck off with yourself.

Others opt for the old year of birth angle - "1976" festooning their derriere with pride, presumably because it's far cooler than the saps born in 1975 or 1977, whew, lucky escape like. Or then there's the patriotic types who think they're doing their nation a service by wearing stained droopy old tracksuit bottoms with "IRELAND" screaming off their arses at the folks behind them.

Then you have the edgy and risque ones like "CHEEKY" (ha ha) and "CUTE."

It's a load of bollocks. Stop it immediately. Or else bring out new ones with truly ironic messages such as:

"ARSE"
"SMELLY"
"FLABBY"
"HUGH JARCE"
"PINCH ME"
"FARTER"
"HAIRY"
"RINGPIECE"
"STOP LOOKING AT ME HOLE"
"HAEMORRHOIDS"

Pah!