Ye olde meme

I'm terrible slow sometimes. It seems Grandfather McHeadrambles tagged me some time back in 1798, probably on just about the only day that I didn't happen to read his blog. I think I was going through one of my shit-the-boss-keeps-looking-over phases at work or something. So I completely missed it altogether and only found it there now because I tripped across it on my technorati profile that, unlike Grandad's blog, I never look at.

Ah well. Better late than never I suppose.

Here's how the whole thing works:

Post this on your blog . . .
+ Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
+ Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
+ Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
+ Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
That’s all there’s to it . . .
Oh, and have fun.

Seven random and weird facts. Hould on to your britches boys and girls, here we go:

1. Until I was about 19 I never knew that the accepted vernacular for haemorrhoids was 'piles.' Nobody wanted to correct me because they thought it much too funny to hear me say shit like "That fella walks funny, he must have a bad dose of heaps." Or, "That feckin' dog is dragging his arse around the floor behind him trying to scratch himself. He clearly has loads, bless him."

People laughed at me for years and I never knew.

2. The first time I got drunk was at aged 14 on five manky pints of Heineken that my sister's foxy friend bought for me. I barfed like a geyser.

Do geysers have carrots in them?

And no dice with the foxy friend either, unsurprisingly.

3. I really, really, really can't for the fucking life of me understand this poker on TV phenomenon. It's the stupidest craze to take hold, ever. A bunch of shades-wearing assholes sitting around a table playing cards and a breathless commentator talking over it about the flop and the blinds and other shit, and they put it all on TV and some people actually watch! I'd rather eat my own face.

4. The first CD I ever bought was August and Everything After by the Counting Crows. I still listen to it regularly, probably more than the piles of other CDs - or heaps, loads, whatever - that I've bought since.

5. When I was 12, I promised my friend I'd buy him three Mars bars if he'd eat a raw onion and five mushrooms. He accepted the bet and scoffed the lot.

I then told him I hadn't any money.

6. My maths teacher once found me rolling cigarettes down the back of his class and gave me a two-page essay to write as punishment. I kinda got into it though and instead wrote him a five page one that he found so amusing he vowed to find a reason to punish me similarly in the near future. He never did though.

Catch me that is.

And he took me skins and tobacco as well the fucker.

7. The single moment in film history that made me laugh more than any other, ever, was during the spoof Oscar ceremony in Naked Gun 33 and a turd, when they showed a clip from "Mother Teresa, the musical."

It basically showed a very nimble and unusually spry Mother Teresa capering and dancing through a shanty village and jumping over hurdles, singing "I love food, I love food."

I damn near wet myself and still couldn't stop laughing even after rewinding ten times. Once I start laughing at something, I just can't stop until I get something akin to a mild asthma attack and that usually stops me alright.

Anyhoo, that's quite enough septuple randomistical weirdnesses. Here's the magnificent seven I'm now tagging with this.

Radge I bet I know all of them already. Especially that one with the sheep and the baby oil, eh? Hilarious!

Baino There's only one thing worse than being tagged Baino, and that's not being tagged.

Rosie I have to pay you back for your fartfelt tribute and this might take your mind off things when you get back to blogging, hopefully soon.

K8 I can't get back at Grandad, therefore I will hurt the people nearest to him instead, but only because Sandy can't read and write yet. Mwah ha hahahahaha!

Kath With one stipulation: only one revelation can be chocolate-related. Carry on.

Susan You left your calling card here on Friday so I know you're out and about again. It's high time you got yourself back in front of a PC young lady. (With a comma deliberately left out after PC, just to throw you and get you scratching your head about an episode of The Bill.)

Adullamite The bike? Hearts? Tea cakes? Less be avin ye!

And Heron, you needn't be sniggering, if you didn't have a sports blog you'd be on this too.