Friday, April 18, 2008

Plus ca change

I was watching the television there the other day and I was struck by something. I think it was a projectile midget fired at me from a nearby circus, but I can't be certain.

In any event, said missile didn't distract me from a fundamental realisation concerning the state of man. It seems that after thousands of years of evolution, and massive strides in the realms of medicine, technology and self knowledge, advertisers can still get away with flogging underarm deodarant to dozy men on the flimsy premise that sniffing it will turn innocent passerby women into gymnastically accomplished nymphomaniac sex vixens. All desperate to get down on the good foot and do the bad thing, preferably with their noses wedged in your armpit.

The latest ad suggests that using Lynx turns you into a walking chocolate man, which is fiendishly clever because as we all know, there's scarcely a bird on the planet worth her salt who wouldn't gleefully drop her knickers at the sight of a Mars bar. So naturally, if you're a bloke made out of the stuff, they'd come teeming naked over a hill of razor blades just to take a bite out of your arse.

Now the question I have is as follows. Has any woman reading this ever been in a situation with a random interested bloke, where it was a borderline case on the brink of a 'no, feck off dickhead' but was swayed towards a yes, simply because he smelled nice? It does seem a frivolous question but then again, I have turned down marriage proposals on the basis of thinking her handbag was shite.

I'm anxious to know because generally, I air my clothes in cabbage and nettle steam, and a hint of turf smoke, before going out. And I never pull. So I'm seriously considering upgrading to a dab of listerine behind both ears before hitting the town, and would appreciate some womanly perspectiveness. Thanks in advance.

30 moos and woofs:

Rosie said...

Has any woman reading this ever been in a situation with a random interested bloke, where it was a borderline case on the brink of a 'no, feck off dickhead' but was swayed towards a yes, simply because he smelled nice?


now feign surprise.

Baino said...

Definitely . . although I'm more likely put off by any man who wears Joop! Try Angel for Men . . it smells like chocolate!

Anonymous said...

Well, women definitely prefer clean men and are generally turned away by filthy, scruffy, stinking men - and not only men.
You just need to be clean; from what I read on your blog, a clever, witty, sensitive, funny, good-tempered man like you doesn't really need perfume to win a ladie's heart.

On the other hand, you should eventually reconsider your 'handbag theory'; as you may know, ladies have - much - more than one single handbag. So maybe you should meet her several times before making your mind about her taste...

Hope it helps and... keep us updated!
Parisian reader

Adullamite said...

Lynx didn't work for me.
Mind you, my starting line is,'That's a nice dress, is it your mothers.....?'

Terence McDanger said...

@ Rosie - I've feigned worse.

@ Baino - Joop is a definite no no, I have smelled it off the brother and although it was an improvement on his natural aromas, it still got the thumbs down.

@ Parisian - glad to see your still here. Them's fierce nice compliments altogether and I must say I'm impressed by your judgement of character, but you forgot generous, thoughtful and loving. I'll overlook it this time.

@ Adullamite - you know they call Lynx 'Axe' on continental Europe and in USA? There's some irony in there for you I think...

Rosie said...

joop's manky alright, a step down from your natural smithwicks aroma. isn't this all academic, though? i was under the impression that there was a mrs. moo. or are we out shopping for handbags again?

Thriftcriminal said...

No man, you want to immerse yourself in a bath of wee from a female goat in heat. That'll do wonders for the sex life.

You do like rams right?

Terence McDanger said...

Yes Rosie there's a McDangeress in my life at the moment so it's largely academic alright but it's always good to be prepared. Or washed and smelling nice at any rate.

Thrift I hadn't considered the goat pheromones. I'll take the bath if you do the collecting.

Kath Lockett said...

I'll step out and admit that I don't mind the odd whiff of 'Joop' - far better than cig butts, BO and toe jam sneakers in my opinion.

If he's clean, intelligent and can cook a decent meal, he'll do.

Hows about an article on Ms McDanger?

Paul said...

I've been a borderline case on the brink with a hot chick, but broke wind at the wrong time.
She went from being on the verge of "hell yeah" to being swayed towards a 'no' :-(

Terence McDanger said...

Kath - today is not the day for an article on the McDangeress, believe me. I thought you'd like the idea of a chocolate man yourself though, is that why you call the husband Love Chunks?

Paul - Swayed towards the floor more like, you smelly shite.

Rosie said...

LoveChunks??? that sounds like something you'd catch... or step in...

Paul, i've been that "chick" (though it wasn't you). i got this gag-inducing smell, noticed him shifting the tilt of his arse as he stood to let out a silent follow-up, clocked the pint of guinness in his hand and then imagined how it would smell wafting up from under my duvet in the morning. he knew well, too.

Paul said...

ah rosie, you make me laugh sometimes ;-)

Poetikat said...

Totally new here, but I just had to throw in a few thoughts. I love the smell of turf and although not a fan of b.o., I do like a bit of muskiness. I've never been swayed into anything by the smell of someone's deodorant.

Here in NA (Canada) we have "AXE" spray deodorant that apparently lures the women in droves. I have yet to see that happen.


Rosie said...


engrata herself said...

Has any woman reading this ever been in a situation with a random interested bloke, where it was a borderline case on the brink of a 'no, feck off dickhead' but was swayed towards a yes, simply because he smelled nice?

No, just similar to that -> "was swayed towards a yes, simply because he smelled nice? " but totally not with a "no, feck off dickhead",lol. Its a plus but hey it's part of what you call "Hygiene". Though i also do think that is sexy, hahaha.

Terence McDanger said...

Welcome poetikat and engrata, new faces always welcome. I'd love a new face myself but I have to put up with the one I have, oh well.

English Mum said...

Er no. I have, perversely, been on the brink of a 'yes', then caught a whiff of something not quite so pleasant (I'm thinking eau de sweaty rugby jock strap) and swiftly changed my mind to the contrary. I have a feeling we were down to the underwear too. Ahh...all our yesterdays....

PS: My lad loves that Chocolate Lynx stuff. It smells like Caramac. I've gently explained that the little girls in the playground won't rush after him from the dinner queue, but his little ears are closed to the sound. Probably clogged with revolting deodorant.

Jay said...

Hi, I'm new too, and I like what I see so far!

Has any woman reading this ever been in a situation with a random interested bloke, where it was a borderline case on the brink of a 'no, feck off dickhead' but was swayed towards a yes, simply because he smelled nice?

Nah. I loathe a strong smell of deodorant/perfume. You have to be generally clean, although I have been swayed by the faint scent of fresh sweat. It has to be faint and it has to be fresh, though.

Terence McDanger said...

There's a marketing idea - I guess if they can make millions selling bottled water, I can make a few quid on the side selling spray cans of sweat - always fresh of course, for that blast of rugged, masculine muskiness just when you need it(to get off with Jay, everyone else will just wonder where the hum's coming from). Fáilte isteach!

@em, surely there's nothing worse than getting down to the undercladding only to discover the dry rot. Oh dear.

nuttycow said...

I do love the smell of a man when he's just come off the rugby pitch. Ha!

No, smell is important. Nice smell. Bad BO smell and whiffy feet are a NO.

That is all.

Jennynib said...

Lynx Chocolate is the epitome of MANK.


It does encourage disgusting teenage boys with newly grown thatch in newly discovered places to actually deodourise.

A huge plus if you're the proud owner/keeper/mum of said disgusting boy.

To answer your question; no, women are less swayed by nice odour than by wit and wit means feck all if the odour can clear your sinuses with one whiff.

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