Monday, June 16, 2008

Mammy, there's a fat person hiding in the cupboard

Listen, I'm still really interminably busy and I don't have enough time to go into this in the usual forensic detail - like, this particular post is eating into the time fastidiously allocated for today's 'luxury' tasks such as respiration, peristalsis, breathing and blinking - but I want to ask this.

What is it with the fat people everywhere? No, seriously. Every time I pick up a magazine or flick over to TV3 there's a real-life article or documentary there about the latest circus sideshow crying about their bed sores and showing us their wobbly bits and tables full of junk food. I've seen Gillian McKeith poking around knowingly in lunchboxes of, well, lunchboxes full of people's shite to be blunt, before making judgements on the state of some bugger's innards based on the cut of their crap. Nice. Although, from watching the slightly scary and skeletal Gillian, I've learned that alot of us suffer from 'greasy stool.' I always thought a greasy stool just a slightly fancier version of a working man's café to be honest but you learn something new everyday I suppose.

I saw another one about a humongous Birmingham City supporter called Barry, I think it was called Inside Britain's Fattest Man. Richard Hammond, him offof Top Gear that almost crushed himself a few years ago, presented and narrated it. It was like a 'numbskulls' documentary with cartoons of the inside of his body and the fatty deposits and what have you hanging around everywhere. Touchingly, it closed with a scene of Barry grunting and grimacing on the toilet showing us how, well, sigh, showing us how he takes a shite to be frank, complete with informative analysis from Hammond on volume, consistency and such like. I, er, shit you not.

It goes on and on. I've also seen celebrity fit club, a training camp for overweight famous folks, and I'm not looking at you Derek Davis, another one where skinny people try to put on weight and swap diets with fat people who want to lose it, and best of all, there was another one on about obese cats and dogs the other day. Obese pets I say, even the animals aren't safe as fattist documentary makers seek new material. Next week, they'll be doing makeovers for walruses or something - a bit of lipo and a moustache wax for instance - or putting elephants on crash diets.

I mean Jasus. I'm not getting into the rights, wrongs, whys and hows of obesity and diets and who's to blame and all that, and I'm sure it's neither easy or pleasant, I just want to know who decided to turn the whole thing into a repetitive freak show and present its underbelly to the world under some flimsy premise of awareness about health? There's surely a way of doing these things without turning the folks involved into some sort of 5p-a-look curiosity.

It's a load of stool if you ask me.

12 moos and woofs:

Thriftcriminal said...

More "compulsive" viewing for the masses to distract them from the real issues in the world. But hey, at least we have iPods right? Sorry, my cynicism is in overdrive today. Those lardy people should eat more fruit and veg, and take some fecking exercise. Even better, go do some vlunteer work in Africa.

Terence McDanger said...

it's all part of the dummening down of scoeity, right?

Thriftcriminal said...

I think you'll find that's indumbnification. Oh, hang on........

Baino said...

Not too busy to watch taboild TV I see! Mmm sounds like you're getting kilos of craic or is that crack on Irish TV! Being of the well-rounded variety myself, I avoid this stuff like the plague. Once saw a show about American celb mums opting for caesarians so that they could have a tummy tuck whilst under the knife to restore them to their former pre preggy emaciated states . . .I changed the channel.

Terence McDanger said...

Ah holy Jasus, that takes the fucking biscuit. Too posh to push is one thing but taking advantage of one of nature's miracles to fit in a bit of cosmetic slice and dice, now that just makes me puke.

"I'll never forget the day you were born. I lost three inches of my waist and I got arse implants."

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