Thursday, January 29, 2009

Back in peak condition

I've just returned from the Osteopath.

It would seem that my fettle is fine and out to the fullest. My lower thoracic lumbar spinacticles, linear discography and radial hinge facets are all in rum order and my magnificent all-powerful spinal cord is hitting the right note. Status Quo have two they say, there may be three in Oasis.

I went through the full range of movements as he looked on. In other words, I twisted and dipped robotically and tried to touch my toes, and failed miserably, although the Osteo, Pat, hmmed appreciably at my efforts and was pleased. I think he be's listening out for a big cartoonish twonggggggggggg of something fundamental and spring-loaded snapping in me as I stretch. When I keep body and soul together, he can relax a little.

Your movements are fine anyway, he says.

Yeah, I dropped a big poo before coming in alright.

As in, I think about saying that, but I don't.

"Hop up there on the bench now and let's take a look at that lower back region," he says. "I think I'll do a few manipulations."
Ah yes. Manipulations. I always imagine that someday he'll pause and narrow his eyes or steeple his fingers before saying manipulations in pinched italics, and then twist a waxen moustache like an evil overlord. But nope, he always stays as good old Osteo Pat.

But yes, let's get to manipulatin'. I know what this means, this euphemism for harsh lower backcrackery crickitywhackery, and I take a deep breath and ready steady myself. I give my bones and muscles over to him then and he cradles me and drags my limbs into a big gangly human swastika. He starts kneading and hauling me beyond the limits of all internationally accepted yoga boundaries, and I fear every seam of me will fray and split like a nurse's knickers in a Carry On movie, before the beanbag fillings inside me spill hissing on the floor like grain from a sack.

He fidgets and drags me about the place for a bit. I grunt and try not to drool as I'm face down on his bench and trying to offer feedback regarding my sliding scale of pain. Then he hits a sore spot. I jolt. Feedback indeed.

"Oh," he says. "Seems like a trigger point. Better do some work here."

It's called a trigger point because every time he puts his finger on it it's like you're being shot. So, he shoots me through repeatedly and finally, he holsters up and tells me that's enough for today.

"You're doing well. I think we'll leave it six weeks before the next one," he says.

I think so, says I, wondering should I tell him about the stiff neck I forgot earlier.

19 moos and woofs:

Susan said...

Well, you've talked me out of going to an osteopath...good, one more thing off my list. I'm getting all sorts of things accomplished today.

How's the neck? Has it been sufficiently intimidated by all those goings-on to behave again?

Spudley said...

I used to see the osteopath for a little while. Does he cause scary cracking noises to your back and do little mini snaps of your neck like an inept Bond villain?? Scared the bejaysus out of me he did

hope said...

My husband hates that I can lie on the floor, turn my upper and lower torso in opposite directions and snap my own back. I tell him I'm just a self adjusting model.

You know, you allow your mind to fall in the gutter and your neck will get worse. ;)

Hope all's safely back in place. Personally I think your neck ache is from spinning your head in numerous directions while searching for your wandering car. :)

Radge said...

Spudley - Come on. Give us a blog.

Terence - Ouch.

Kath Lockett said...

Bloody hell, that's put me off those non-medical back-crackers for life, mate.

Oh and 'big gangly human swastika' - best description ever.

Baino said...

Outdone yourself with the imagery there Terence. Not for me all that slap back and crack. I have a chiro who does deep muscle therapy. Nice massage before hand and a 'oooh ahhh' for half an hour. He has to slide me off the bench and haul me through the door to get rid of me! Apparently it's genetically difficult for men to touch their toes. Although why you'd want to do that escapes me.

RedLeeroy said...

Do you expect me to talk?

No Mr McDanger, I expect you to die.

Terence McDanger said...

Susan, he's alot more gentle than the chirorpactor, and as a bonus, actually seems to know what he's doing. Chiros = quacks, IMHO. And the neck? It can stay sore. He's not getting anywhere near it.

Spudley, there's times that he races up and down my spine pulling and poking all sorts of levers with such dexterity that I sound like the rhythm section of a cuban band.

Jesus hope, I'd no idea you were a gymnast. Are you sure your husband really is against how limber you are though????

Radge. Agreed. Twice.

Kath - thanks. Play safe with the back always. Don't toss any cabers or do anything silly like trying to lift an elephant out of quicksand without at least bending your knees first.

What can I say Baino, I'm of a lyrical and wistful bent this weather. Er, hope your chiro has more of a clue than the money-grabbing wench I was going to!

Leeroy. That's very good indeed. I'd say next time I visit he'll strap me to the bench and play laser based chicken with my nutsac alright. The hoor.

kiki said...

forget water-boarding, is this the future to foreign relations?

K8 the Gr8 said...

backcrackery crickitywhackery

That's the best use of the English language I think I've ever seen.

Terence McDanger said...

Kiki, that one has me scratching my head I have to say.

K8, I get all these nonsense syllables from my Dad. He reckons he's from a town called Ballyslapadasho'muggery. Hmmmm.

ninest123 Ninest said...

ninest123 07.24
prada handbags, michael kors outlet, burberry, longchamp, michael kors, michael kors outlet, oakley sunglasses, burberry outlet online, nike air max, michael kors outlet, coach outlet, oakley sunglasses, jordan shoes, polo ralph lauren outlet, nike outlet, coach purses, ray ban sunglasses, coach outlet, longchamp outlet, true religion jeans, tiffany and co, chanel handbags, michael kors outlet, kate spade handbags, replica watches, gucci outlet, louboutin outlet, michael kors outlet, kate spade outlet, tory burch outlet, oakley sunglasses, polo ralph lauren outlet, ray ban sunglasses, tiffany jewelry, nike air max, coach factory outlet, prada outlet, nike free, louboutin, christian louboutin outlet, longchamp outlet, louboutin shoes

ninest123 Ninest said...

ray ban pas cher, ralph lauren uk, vanessa bruno, new balance pas cher, louboutin pas cher, hermes, timberland, vans pas cher, true religion jeans, true religion jeans, ralph lauren pas cher, abercrombie and fitch, ray ban uk, nike blazer, converse pas cher, hollister, true religion outlet, michael kors, sac guess, sac longchamp, lululemon, air max, lacoste pas cher, michael kors, nike roshe run, hollister pas cher, north face, nike free run uk, longchamp pas cher, nike air max, air force, tn pas cher, oakley pas cher, hogan, mulberry, nike air max, north face, nike air max, nike free, air jordan pas cher, michael kors, burberry

ninest123 Ninest said...

p90x workout, nike huarache, baseball bats, giuseppe zanotti, jimmy choo shoes, beats by dre, instyler, iphone 6 cases, mac cosmetics, nike roshe, vans shoes, valentino shoes, ghd, nfl jerseys, hollister, ferragamo shoes, oakley, celine handbags, longchamp, wedding dresses, nike trainers, nike air max, reebok shoes, nike roshe, asics running shoes, mont blanc, north face outlet, mcm handbags, birkin bag, bottega veneta, soccer shoes, insanity workout, timberland boots, babyliss, chi flat iron, herve leger, abercrombie and fitch, hollister, north face outlet, soccer jerseys, new balance, lululemon

ninest123 Ninest said...

ray ban, pandora charms, ugg boots, pandora charms, nike air max, swarovski, juicy couture outlet, links of london, coach outlet, pandora jewelry, karen millen, thomas sabo, ugg pas cher, ugg boots uk, montre pas cher, vans, hollister, lancel, ralph lauren, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, ugg boots, bottes ugg, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, ugg boots, marc jacobs, toms shoes, supra shoes, converse outlet, louboutin, uggs on sale, hollister, wedding dresses, ugg boots, gucci, juicy couture outlet, swarovski crystal, converse, replica watches
ninest123 07.24

Xianjun Ranqin said...

qihang0907,louis vuitton
nike store
toms wedges
instyler
coach outlet
michael kors handbags
louis vuitton handbags
adidas superstars
adidas outlet
kevin durant shoes 2015
oakley sunglasses
michael kors uk
michael kors outlet
ugg boots sale
wholesale jerseys
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton handbags
gucci belt
cheap oakley sunglasses
barbour uk
ugg boots
marc jacobs outlet
nike air force
louis vuitton bags
ghd straighteners
louis vuitton outlet
coach outlet
uggs on sale
louis vuitton
gucci outlet
burberry outlet online
celine luggage tote
coach factory outlet online
michael kors outlet online
oakley sunglasses
q

Hua Cai said...

oakley sunglasses
tiffany and co
louis vuitton outlet
dior outlet
police sunglasses
herve leger outlet
nike air max 90
coach outlet online
michael kors outlet online
michael kors wallet
longchamp outlet
louboutin pas cher
ralph lauren outlet
ray-ban sunglasses
louis vuitton pas cher
fitflops sale
michael kors uk
beats by dre
mulberry handbags sale
burberry sunglasses on sale
cheap michael kors handbags
mulberry handbags
swarovski crystal
michael kors handbags outlet
police sunglasses for men
michael kors wallet sale
louis vuitton neverfull sale
mbt shoes outlet
true religion jeans
rolex watches
michael kors wholesale
lululemon outlet
rolex watches for sale
mont blanc pens
coach handbags outlet
20160615caihuali

Liu Liu said...

The Giants will lean on rookie Andre Williams for at least Nike Air Max 90 one more week in New York's backfield.


Ralph Vacchiano of the New York Daily News reported Saturday that Rashad Jennings is not traveling with the team to Nike Free Run Seattle because of the knee injury that has shelved the veteran running back since Week 6. Officially listed as doubtful, Jennings' absence comes as no great suprise.

Also for Big Blue, defensive tackle wholesale jerseys shop Cullen Jenkins, cornerback Zack Bowman and pass rusher Mathias Kiwanuka are all questionable for Sunday's showdown with the Seahawks.

After showing tantalizing promise in the preseason, Williams has struggled of late in New York's backfield. The rookie hasn't topped four yards per carry in a game since Week 4 and spit out just 22 yards off Nike Roshe Run 12 attempts in Monday night's loss to the Colts. The Giants NFL Jerseys saw better production from second-year runner Michael Cox and the unkillable Peyton Hillis.

After throwing an outrageous 52 passes in the Indy defeat, new nike nfl jerseys Eli Manning is a candidate to take to the skies again if New York's running cheap sale jerseys game remains NFL Jerseys Store stuck in neutral against Seattle.

Meiqing Xu said...

ray ban sunglasses outlet
coach factory outlet
ralph lauren sale clearance
yeezy boost
timberland boots
tory burch outlet
nike shoes
chi flat iron
coach outlet
new york yankees jerseys
20170316caiyan

Post a Comment