I can't fight this feeling anymore,
I've forgotten what I started fighting for

I am splenderfully, totastically, absolifically and bounding fluffily bunnily in love with Caroline Morahan.

She's...she's...she's just a little bit wonderful so she is.

C'mere and I'll tell you all about her.

Did you know, quailing children will quieten and smile if she stoops and gently touches their cheek and smiles upon them? (It's like ET used to do it, only without the retractible neck and somewhat stilted vocabulary).

It's said that when Caroline Morahan sings in the shower, the birds outside her window stop their chorus to listen, but they get frustrated because as winged creatures they can't applaud properly at the end. So they chitter and poo excitedly on her car instead, and then feel all dirty and inadequate, but they still come back for more.

I'm sure you all know about the famous poet who thought it the stuff of high compliment to describe a woman as the Sunday in every week, and I never met the Planter's Daughter in question but if she was all that, then Caroline Morahan is a whole month of Sundays because she's 31 times nicer than any other woman in the world and that's a fact.

Some of my closest friends are reindeers you know, and none of them are as doe-eyed as Caroline Morahan.

I secretly watched the RTE fashion show Off the Rails just so I could see what Caroline Morahan was wearing that week. The time they did a section on what the best jeans were for flattering your arse I almost fainted because it was basically a genteel form of porn from where I was sitting and besides, I defy anyone to manufacture a pair of jeans that curvaceous and wonderful Caroline Morahan doesn't look good in.

When we dance together, as someday we surely will, Caroline will glide with a light, fluid grace while I'll be like a dressage horse playing Twister, but my comic haplessness will only endear me to her all the more. The same will apply when we recreate eroticpottery scenes from the film Ghost.

Listen, do new parents ever bring a baby into your office to show to all the ladies, and when the infant does something cute, all the simultaneous 'AWWWWWWs' in the air sounds like 68 vacuum cleaners all switching off at once? I am similarly awwwwwww struck by Caroline alright, but she never ever turns me off.

The first time Caroline Morahan comes over to stay, as someday she surely will, she will wear one of my shirts to bed and keep it on all of the next day as she pads about the house being lovely. She'll be looking at me from under her eyes and calling me a 'bold scamp' and hitting me with the cushions to stop me tickling her and making her all weak at the knees. Our life would in fact be a series of such cute movie montages, with click this! as the soundtrack.

Yea, I'd roll naked through a mile of broken glass and back again for the hell of it, just for the privilege of picking some stray lettuce out of her flawless smile. I'd be performing a service and getting a keepsake at the same time and who knows, maybe in time that lettuce would grow whole again and then I could eat it myself.

But snort! Do you know what the the really good thing is? We all know that she'll consider me quite the catch.

Call me, babe!

14 moos and woofs:

Maxi Cane said...

Never heard of her.

Emma Bunton for the win.

Susan said...

Oh you're the catch all right---it's not just any man who can dance like a dressage horse playing Twister!

I hope she's got her Google Alerts on, Moo. This one would be hard to resist! (good luck)

RedLeeroy said...

I saw her coming out the cinema not long ago. Her eye shadow a hypnotic shade of green, her high heels set at a dizzying height, rose petals falling from her pockets as she strode away quickly from my rat like claws. Quite a sight.

Terence McDanger said...

Maxi, don't be getting all flippant with me. You'd drink her bath water, admit it.

Susan, just like in Wayne's World: She will be mine, she will be mine...

Lyrical stuff Leeroy. Was, she, er...um...was she with anyone at all? Cough cough...

Radge said...

She was with me. Stay. The. Fuck. Away.

Actually, no, I'm not playing that game. You've already stolen The Good Doctor from me.

Also, a secret is only a secret if you refrain from telling your audience about it, you daft benny.

Terence McDanger said...

Radge! Possessiveness of the Good Doctor runs contrary to the big heart and generous spirit of the man himself. He wouldn't have it this way. I can only hope the big man himself isn't looking in, this sort of thing disappoints him gravely. For shame Radge, for shame.

She will be mine, she will be mine, she will be mine...

Kev Brown said...

Ahhhhhh to be in love! It's a good thing she will call you a "bold scamp" instead of a bald tramp! :)

Baino said...

Haha . . never heard of her either but she is a 'comely lass'. Not that I bat for that team mind. Dream on McDanger . . .fantasy is good for the soul.

red leeroy said...

Terence, she was with someone. An old woman who she was kindly helping back to her motor vehicle. I took the reg and left it at that.

hope said...

Everyone has a dream. At least yours is attractive. ;)

Terence McDanger said...

Kev, she can call me Geraldine Squishyballs if she likes. As long as she's snogging the face off me I wouldn't have a care in the world.

Cheers Baino/hope, I reckon she'd harvest a few lesbians even though you're not in that club yourself. She's a cracka!

Nice work Leeroy. Captures her generous spirit, and your own nascent stalker tendencies.

Radge said...

Your not-so-secret secret crush is out, Terence.

Over to you, Caroline. Make it happen.

Terence McDanger said...

It's on. I know she, like, sooooo wants me.

NextSeatOver said...

Terence, did you hear Ian Dempsey quote your love of fair Caroline to her on the morning show?
She is aware of your admiration.. that has to be a good thing!

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