Monday, January 19, 2009

Just wondering

Did you ever stop and actually think about the things you think about. Here's what I've been mulling over this weekend.

I'm going to try and get out more.

Cilla Black
I was looking at Cilla Black on the telly. Remember her, off the heavily-scripted and supposedly spontaneous Blind Date TV show?
Anyhoo, there she was on the telly going on about something or other being "not fair." Whatever it was that wasn't fair is not important here, it's her accent you see. I actually thought she was saying "it's not fur."
Now, I wondered, what if she was signed up to be the face of a new awareness campaign, and the tag line was "Fur is not Fair."

She'd wreck your fucking head so she would.

Shania Twain
According to her gargantuan hit of some years back that my radio apalled me with driving back up from Cavan (That Don't Impress Me Much she called it, with no sense of irony), I could:
Look like Brad Pitt, be well-groomed, drive a deadly car, be a rocket scientist, know pretty much everything, and also be a heady mix of Tarzan, John Wayne and Captain Kirk, and STILL she wouldn't look twice at me.

There's just no pleasing some women. Bitch.

Taxi!
Why don't people say 'taxi' after they fart anymore? We always did that when I was a kid and if you farted and forgot to say it quickly enough, a person near you could call a 'sixer' and freely thump you six times on the upper arm as hard as they liked.
Everybody did it. Did you?
So much of what we once held dear has died out. Farting etiquette has gone the way of the corncrake and Ireland is the poorer for it.

Spam
How do you write a simple old commoner garden greeting in an email subject line without risking the receiver deleting it, because they think it is spam?
This applies especially if you're writing to someone you don't normally email, or haven't been in contact with for a while. The natural inclination is to write something generic like 'hello.' But that's very spam.

How about 'Hi there'? Nope, spam central.

How are you? Read this? It's me? They're all wham bam, thank you spam.

Would you like to grow a big massive cock? Hmmm...on reflection, no good for girls and besides, it's solid gold spamtastic.

Pan Pipes
In countries like Peru and Bolivia, where the pan pipes are a popular, mainstream musical instrument, is it a regular occurrence to step into an elevator or supermarket and hear electric guitar versions of their favourite tunes? And do the locals, steeped in panpipe music and knowing no other, roll their eyes and mutter about those "lame as shit guitar versions. Those Beatle bastards ruined Strawberry Fields for a generation. Curses!"

32 moos and woofs:

RedLeeroy said...

jesus. Maybe you should get out more. However your thoughts definitely need more exposure to the masses.

Cilla = Teeth (that's all I can see or even hear)

Shania - I once saw a really creepy documentary where a fan got to meet her. He obviously had never heard her music but desperately wanted to bone her. Brilliant TV

Taxi - Never heard of this but rest assured I am going to start from right now.

Spam - Hello Dr Goodfriend, jxxxlkkkkddkkd

Pan Pipes - I had wondered but in a different way. Were the pan pipe purveyors hated in their own country too?

Susan said...

Woo howdy, thanks for that one--- so next time hubby farts (only moments from now very likely) and does NOT say "Taxi", I now feel fully sanctioned to thump him.

SIX times? WOO HOOOOOO!

My Northern mother-in-law says "nar" a lot when telling a story. I think she's saying "now". It's a mad accent until you're used to it. (I'm saying that of course in the safety of not being heard aloud myself--!!)

Terence McDanger said...

Red Leeroy that's class about Shania Twain.

"So, I guess That Don't Impress Me Much is one of your favourites, huh?"

"Yeah. Sure. **Slobber** Can I see your breasts?"

I'd love to have seen that.

Susan/Leeroy, as I wrote that I had a creeping feeling that the whole 'taxi' after farting thing might just have been a Cavan-only thang and I was hanging myself out there for the riducule of the nation. If it was restricted to us, I can't for the life of me surmise where it came from (as in the taxi thing, I'm very familiar with where farts come from).

And make sure they're 'dead arms' you give him Susan, no point bothering otherwise.

Baino said...

We say 'Taxi' when something is dropped or spilled! The implication is that you have to be pissed to drop something - ergo the world thinks I spend my life in a stupor.

Haha saw a South Park Episode last night where Pan Pipes were banned and their players organised for the city to be invaded by a giant guinea pig in the style of "Cloverfield"

hope said...

I do wonder if Little Miss Twain is off her tracks. {Sorry, didn't get out much today myself}. Her ugly older husband left her for the rather plain woman who'd been their nanny. And Ms. Twain is now keeping company with...the fairly attractive soon-to-be-ex husband of the nanny. Either a country song is about to break out or they all need glasses.

Never heard the "taxi" thing but I chalked that up to being a girl raised in the south, where such things were not spoken of and boys were expected to hold such in until they exploded...or we left the room. ;) Think the closest I got to someone actually acknowledging a silent fart were when two boys were arguing and one said, "He who smelt it, dealt it."

Being a girl didn't seem so bad then.

Kath Lockett said...

Baino's spot-on about the 'taxi' - you're too drunk to hold on to stuff, so it's time to phone up a friend in a yellow car.

Shania - shocker of a first name, dontcha think? Then again, she did marry a 'Mutt' until, as Hope said, he left her.

As for Pan pipe players, I'm sure they've all moved to the Melbourne markets. In every friggin fresh fruit and vege aisle, there they are in their Peruvian blankets, wittering on. And they're even cheeky enough to have CDs for sale....

Sarah Gostrangely said...

Cilla kind of looks like a tall, skinny, bucktoothed squirrel, too. So the irony of Fur is Not Fair would be doubled.

Ha! re jimi-esque tesco-music.

Red Leeroy said...

man, I feel like a women.........etc

Terence McDanger said...

Baino/Kath: Ah yes, the modern use of the taxi exclamation has evolved into something you use when another person has done something clumsy, hence the need to take them home because they are 'drunk' etc. But the post-farting usage was, well, it had no such logic behind it I guess, it was just something you did. Perhaps it was meant to be a symbolic call for a taxi because "I've just dropped a dirty egg there and need to get away before anyone cops on." I think we should get the history channel on to it.

Hope: Either a country song is about to break out or they all need glasses. Good stuff!

Sarah: That's hardy a fur comment. I've known many tall, skinny, bucktoothed squirrels and they can all sing better than Cilla.

T cup said...

taxi!!!!

Terence McDanger said...

Did you drop a pint, or a fart? The Aussies baino and Lockett will want to know...

T cup said...

the latter

Kev Brown said...

Never heard of the Taxi thing before! Your observation with the pan pipe people is also very funny and your right! Shania Twain is a bitch with very high and unrealistic standards lol.

Terence McDanger said...

Kevin, pan pipes are barely a step above the kazoo. What an awful fad they were at one time.

Kevin, Shania Twain is barely one...oh wait, I did that one already....

ashleigh said...

Taxi?

When I were a kid at school it used to be "TEXAS"! To be hollered loudly.

All seems to have faded away -though in our house a fart can often be followed by (in best Shrek-like accent) "Better out than in, I always say".

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