Just wondering

Did you ever stop and actually think about the things you think about. Here's what I've been mulling over this weekend.

I'm going to try and get out more.

Cilla Black
I was looking at Cilla Black on the telly. Remember her, off the heavily-scripted and supposedly spontaneous Blind Date TV show?
Anyhoo, there she was on the telly going on about something or other being "not fair." Whatever it was that wasn't fair is not important here, it's her accent you see. I actually thought she was saying "it's not fur."
Now, I wondered, what if she was signed up to be the face of a new awareness campaign, and the tag line was "Fur is not Fair."

She'd wreck your fucking head so she would.

Shania Twain
According to her gargantuan hit of some years back that my radio apalled me with driving back up from Cavan (That Don't Impress Me Much she called it, with no sense of irony), I could:
Look like Brad Pitt, be well-groomed, drive a deadly car, be a rocket scientist, know pretty much everything, and also be a heady mix of Tarzan, John Wayne and Captain Kirk, and STILL she wouldn't look twice at me.

There's just no pleasing some women. Bitch.

Taxi!
Why don't people say 'taxi' after they fart anymore? We always did that when I was a kid and if you farted and forgot to say it quickly enough, a person near you could call a 'sixer' and freely thump you six times on the upper arm as hard as they liked.
Everybody did it. Did you?
So much of what we once held dear has died out. Farting etiquette has gone the way of the corncrake and Ireland is the poorer for it.

Spam
How do you write a simple old commoner garden greeting in an email subject line without risking the receiver deleting it, because they think it is spam?
This applies especially if you're writing to someone you don't normally email, or haven't been in contact with for a while. The natural inclination is to write something generic like 'hello.' But that's very spam.

How about 'Hi there'? Nope, spam central.

How are you? Read this? It's me? They're all wham bam, thank you spam.

Would you like to grow a big massive cock? Hmmm...on reflection, no good for girls and besides, it's solid gold spamtastic.

Pan Pipes
In countries like Peru and Bolivia, where the pan pipes are a popular, mainstream musical instrument, is it a regular occurrence to step into an elevator or supermarket and hear electric guitar versions of their favourite tunes? And do the locals, steeped in panpipe music and knowing no other, roll their eyes and mutter about those "lame as shit guitar versions. Those Beatle bastards ruined Strawberry Fields for a generation. Curses!"