Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Know your asparagus

The follow up to Know your Onions, 'cept it's about asparagus.

I've just googled myself to the realisation that the reason my wee has been smelling as sulphurous as if I'd just pissed on top of a flaring box of matches is because I've been eating a lot of asparagus.

Naturally, wee doesn't smell very nice at the best of times, but when the enamel started peeling off the bowl every time I took a Jimmy Riddle and rotten eggs pervaded the room I knew it was time to investigate. I thought I had a grave waterworks malfunction there for a while, but it turns out that everything's fine - it's just that eating asparagus is the same as sneaking up on three thousand skunks and startling them all at once.

The world wide internuts reveals that quite a lot of people already knew this about asparagus already, except me. I feel a bit socially diminished now, like the only kid in the playground who answers wrong in the peergroup sex quiz chaired by the older chaps.

Christ, just think of how awkward it could have been had I gone on a hot date to a restaurant, had four courses of asparagus and then pissed myself laughing at one of my own jokes, and cringe city! My piss stunk!

I dodged a bullet there alright.

Now you'll have to excuse me. There's a few dogs in the neighbourhood I don't like so I'm off to spray some hubcaps.

Never say I don't share enough.

31 moos and woofs:

kiki said...

i only recently found out about it too in the past 12 months or so.
at first i hated it, but over time i embraced it. it truly is a glorious thing and now i sometimes go out of my way to add asparagus to a meal!!

Susan said...

Ok, ok...you've shut me up. No more complaining about your lack of posts!

On the flip side, now I'll be thinking of you as the Stinky-Wee Asparagus Man.

Kath Lockett said...

I'm one of the lucky oddballs who doesn't have the asparagus-effect afterwards. I don't whether to feel cheated or relieved...

Radge said...

You ate asparagus for your school lunches? No wonder they threw sticks and stones at you.

That's how I read it anyway. It's early.

Terence McDanger said...

Kiki, I don't know how you do it. My eyebrows fall off every time. I'm never eating it again.

Susan, I can't believe you don't like talking and reading about wee wee. This is my bold bid for votes in the Best (very)Personal Blog Awards section. My next one's about Guinness, will you read it?

Kath, consider yourself lucky. It's truly foul. I honestly can't believe it took me this long to 'find out', this is way worse than still believing in Santa until I was 16.

Radge, sorry loike but I did't go to focking Belvo where it's all carrot sticks and hummus, you focking bowstard. Touché!

Catherine @ Sharp Words said...

It actually depends on whether you have a certain gene - some people can eat aspargus just fine, others (like you, Terence) just stink.

Try some beetroot instead, for variety.

Terence McDanger said...

Really? So I'm carrying some sort of smelly pee pee DNA? Ah Jasus!

kiki said...

embrace it

Radge said...

There's a typo in your comment to me.

Caitriona from Vodafone.

Terence McDanger said...

Love t'smack her un.

david mcmahon said...

G'day from Melbourne. Came here from Baino's Banter. Yes, that is a wee side-effect!

Terence McDanger said...

Hi David, you're welcome aboard. I sense a fellow sufferer. Don't be ashamed. I'm starting a support group.

Thriftcriminal said...

Not everyone gets that. It's genetic apparently. According to Braniac: Science abuse anyway.

Baino said...

I love asparagarse . . . no problem if the woman you're with has it too, That's the 'garlic' effect. Both of you stink (Beetroot makes your poo red)

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