"Oh I give up, will ya just marry me to hell Terence you big oul' sexy hunk o'love."

Sigh, I would that it were without her towel, having just stepped out of the shower or something, but listen, you can't have it all. All in good time and stuff.

Seriously though, is anyone truly surprised at this morning's dramatic turn of events that saw terencemcdanger.com catapulted right to the heart of both the national media and Ms. Morahan herself? That, as surely you all knew it would, the delectably smiley, lovely and voluptuous curvaceous one would be exposed to my ardent love poetry and swoon, buckle at the knees and collapse helplessly while imploring me to marry her?

Oh yes. My little seed of a few weeks ago has borne sweet fruit. I have played this one like a dream.

So, I've got her hopes up now, I suppose it's time to take the plunge and throw the diamonds on her.
Email me any time, pet, and we can talk turkey. And ham. Or beef or salmon. Whatever you want on the big day. But before then we can just concentrate on being all kooky kerazy in love like I said we would be, dressing up in sumo fatsuits and throwing painted piglets at each other in the back garden and stuff.

Anyway, I've gone this far without actually explaining because no doubt all of you were listening to the Ian Dempsey Breakfast Show on Today FM this morning, where my soon-to-bethrothed was being interviewed. From second hand reports as yet unconfirmed (I only get up around 11, other days I sleep late), I've gleaned that Dempsey, long married and babbied up to the eyeballs and therefore hoplessly out of touch in the witty-patter-with-sexbombs stakes, was forced to crack open the McDanger on his show in an effort to keep the flagging conversation going. All presenters are taught this at media school - if it's going to raggedy hell out there on the air with an uber-babe and nobody else can help, open up the McDanger and sit back and watch the fireworks baby.

Anyhoo, needless to say, a few well chosen witty pearls of homage from my recent post, read out by Dempsey, struck just the right note and brought a radiant smile to the cherubic face of the lovely lovely gorgeous fantastic Morahan, rescuing the DJ's bacon and almost keeping the show on the road.

I say almost because according to reports, shock, awe and lovestruck Morahan literally wasn't worth tuppence after being spellbound by the sheer majesty of my words and obvious depth of feeling for her. She basically ignored every question thereafter in her blissful distraction and could clearly be heard tapping my URL into a nearby laptop, hankering as she was for more, more, MORE OF YOUR WIZARD WORDS OF LOVE AND DAMN YOU FOR MAKING ME YEARN THUS YOU ARTFUL FORGER IN THE SMITHY OF MY DREAMS I WANT YOU I WANT YOU OH FUCK IT LET'S GET HITCHED TERENCE YOU LOVELY BIG SOPPY OLD BASTARD YOU, I CAN DO FRIDAY LUNCHTIME.

As she was doubtless thinking at the time.

As the ears of a stunned radio nation hung agape, and it takes something special to make ears do that, all that could be heard on-air was herself sobbing plaintively into a bewildering succession of hankies. I'll admit, unshakable as my ardour for her is, the music of her honking big emotional boogers into a tissue down a microphone doesn't precisely capture my beloved at her most alluring. Then again, she has many years of "Christ, is that a cruiseship docking?" farts to look forward to from me and fair exchange is no robbery as they say, ho hum.

A cautionary note here though folks, don't try any of this at home. No ladies, the McDanger Magic is not to be unleashed lightly, least of all, heavens above, in a live broadcast situation where it remains the final and lastest of last resorts. It's an even bigger last resort than Bundoran for the holidays.
Like, if Morry (I call her Morry now) wasn't such a paragon of beauty and bastion of lovliness and self-control, it could well have turned Christina Aguilera video in there. Some women just can't take my honey'd verses and lose the run of themselves entirely, disrobing on the spot and spilling scented oils over their naked bodies and going crazy Morris dancing in the nip, like scenes out of the Wicker Man starring Edward Woodward. It's been known to happen. There was a Fleadh Ceol down in Clare one year and the bishop had to come and break it up with a blackthorn stick and tell all the girls to put their clothes back on and go home to their husbands and cook them their tea. (But, fret ye not fair damsels of Ireland, for I would never use my gift for evil).

Now lest anyone should doubt that this actually happened, I will endeavour this week to secure a didgickle recording of the magical McDanger-made moments that melted Morahan mive on mational madio. I will post it here for all to hear here, should Dempsey cough up a copy.

If Iano won't come up with the goods, what the hell, sure you can just all come to the wedding instead.

Ah Caroline, my sweetest rose, all I can do is smile and shake my head at you, you little giggly rascal. It took a while for you to succumb and fall head over heels for me but now that you have, I suppose I'd better make an honest woman of you.

Drop me an email there and then you can call over to my place so I can tickle you for a few hours and get the ball rolling on this crazy adventure.

Just blow your nose and tidy yourself up a bit first, k?

Mwah!

32 moos and woofs:

Radge said...

No. No. No I can't let my jealousy reduce me to cheap slaggery. Suffice to say, Caroline, that if you want cheap slaggery, McDanger Central is (address removed due to threat of legal action from the notoriously litigious blog administrator).

I'm off to testify my love to Penelope Cruz. You are an example to me, Terence. Radgery's about to go international.

Maxi Cane said...

I'm confused.

Terence McDanger said...

Go for it Radge, I have shown you the way, now you must tread your own path grasshopper. Here, will you do best man or wha?

Maxi, Ian Dempsey interviewed her this morning and read out a few bits off that post I wrote about her. I think she may have laughed. Ergo, we will soon be wed. Naturally.

Susan said...

I just KNEW that post was going to get you into trouble.

This is fantastic news for me however; I can now sell your Secret Identity to the radio show and get that metallic-pink pink Camaro I've had my eyes on. Or at least a new ZZ-top CD. Ha HAAA!!

By the way, where are the cows you promised to put here?

Terence McDanger said...

I just KNEW that telling you my name was going to get me into trouble. Feckin' hillbillies!

Re: cows, I'm working on that. I may have to draw my own, it's proving technically difficult to post other folks'.

Meadow said...

Congratulations! You make a beautiful couple.

I'm all emotional now.

Tissue, please...

Holemaster said...

Oh maybe my Michelle Doherty post will work for me. Caroline Morahan would take a week to shag. I mean that in a nice way.

hope said...

I'm speechless. No. Really. {Because phrases like udderly fantastic keep popping to mind and that's just wrong}.

Um...any idea when will the cows come home?

Terence McDanger said...

Tissue please? Someone's going to do that joke, I know it, not me though. We're getting married for fucks sake, what would Caroline think?

Holemaster, I thought you meant Michelle Collins initially. You had me worried there before Google stepped in.
Nice choice.

Terence McDanger said...

Hope, I pledge faithfully that the cows will be back. I have a wedding to plan and shit like that but I promise to bring back the cows asap!

narocroc said...

It's a beautiful thing...

Baino said...

Erm, does this mean that local radio relies on humour blogs for it's interview research? Or was it national radio? How big is Ireland again? Do you lot all know each other? God and they tell us to count the fingers on New Zealanders! Or maybe you're really famous and I missed something . . damn propriety, anonymity and the tyranny of distance.

Kath Lockett said...

And who says a blog after breakfast doesn't bear fruit?

I"m off to write something similar about John Cusack and/or Jude Law right now...

Red Leeroy said...

Terence, is this one of those ob-bla-di-ob-bla-da kind of loves or more of a when-i'm-sixty-four things?

Kitty Cat said...

You do realise that they've been using the clip about the birds stopping to hear her sing in the ads for Dempsey's show all week, yeah? I've been hearing it almost every hour for that last two days! Nice work, T.

Rosie said...

i imagine Caroline has gone from chuckling to creeped out in just 989 words.

Terence McDanger said...

Baino, it was national radio alright but given you're from such a vast territory, that's still local radio in your terms.

Kath...everyone's cottoning on to my fiendish ways to woo women. Or blokes in your case. I'm a pioneer. Internet dating me arse.

Leeroy, our love is all things and does not bear definition. It is a fluid, ever changing, all-encompassing and beautiful thing.

Kitty Cat, I hadn't a clue until a certain someone heard it and texted me yesterday morning. I wouldn't get a chance to listen to radio of a morning, although when I do, it's usually Today FM. At least until that clown Ray Foley comes on, he makes my ears sting.

Rosie, I would scarcely dream she bothered her glorious backside coming in to read.

Radge said...

Terence - Stay away from Red. I saw him first. Oh wait, you're still talking about yer one offa the telly. And on best man: We need to have the talk.

Red Leeroy said...

Radge - I'm touched

You reckon Morahan is the type that likes a fluid love?

Terence McDanger said...

Argghghgh I spotted the anomaly there earlier Radge but let it slide, I should have known someone would call me out. I mean, obviously I have very strong feelings for you Leeroy and you make me feel safe, special and wanted, but just not in that way and definitely not now that Morry and me are tying the knot.

Red Leeroy said...

ok ok, But can I at least sing a song at the nuptials?

Terence McDanger said...

I've thought about this at great length for at least six minutes Leeroy and have decided that you can sing at the nuptials, choosing between the following tender ditties:

1). What the world needs now (is love, sweet love).

2). Accidentally in love

3). Sweet Caroline

4). The Ace of Spades

5). You're a lovely big ride and I love you forever (self composition)

Any of the above, in the lull after communion finishes.

Red Leeroy said...

ohhh man, such choices, but I feel the best choice would be a medley of the Ace of Spades, Sweet Caroline and Gene Pitneys 24 hours from Tulsa, but the lyrics changed slightly. Onlllly 24 hours from Danger !!!

http://skreemr.com/results.jsp?q=24+hours+from+tulsa&search=SkreemR+Search

Terence McDanger said...

24 hours from Tulsk? That's in Roscommon, not normally linked with Gene Pitney I'll warrant.

Mighty stuff though.

narocroc said...

A friend in work has a thing for the Morahan too. I quote....

"I'd ride her til the neighbours complained of the smell"

So there you go. You're not alone MooDog.

Maxi Cane said...

Shit really?

Nice one, now all I have to do is get Ray D'Arcy to read out some of my posts about Isla Fisher, Charlotte Church and Alyson Hannigan and I'm set.

Adullamite said...

I'm not sure she is good enough for you......

Last time I contacted a TV star all I got was an ASBO!

Grow Up said...

Damn that girl's got a shapely bod.

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