Sunday, April 12, 2009

I'm Terry, I tarry

Hey! Remember me? I used to blog here, Terence is my name.

I've been away for a little while, I know, I know...it hasn't been easy for me either. I've been musing, reflecting, gathering my thoughts, working up a head of steam, girding my loins, herding my lions, steeling my irons, hatching plans and most notably, planning hatches.

It's been a not very nice month for old Terence. In this order, it was a week-long flu (see last missive underneath, don't be fooled by the jokes, I was very pissed off), followed by disbelieving half-eyed glances from the bosses when I got back, somewhat shook but alive. It had taken a lot out of me; I'll never forget the first morning back on the train into the city when, clearly not back at full pitch yet, I took a strong weakness in my legs and looked around in vain for a seat. Now I've always believed in the old pregnant woman/sacrifice seat practice, so mercy of mercies, I was able to find a middle aged lady heavily swollen with child, and tell her to get the feck up outta dat so I could sit down. She grumbled a bit but I stood over her and glowered menacingly and she eventually waddled off. You'll be relieved to read that I was alright then and made it to work, noticeably flushed, but none the worse for my little turn.

Then, heavens above, the good Lord saw fit to bestow upon me a surprise apartment viewing which, when I think about it, was probably something he was leaving me in his will seeing as he passed away there on Friday.

Lord be good to him.

This out-of-the-blue-moon occurrence (someone tell me, on the level, is there a recession on or something?) saw me flailing comically and frantically around my little patch of real estate as I beautified it, hands crammed with J-cloths and cleaning products that hadn't been used in so long they were actually filthy themselves. I got through it in the end anyway, even if I did melt the poor oven because the crusty bits wouldn't come off and I had to pour a vat of acid in there. I'm a bit over zealous round the house you see - when wasps settle on my windows, I've been known to swat them with a wok. Well, it is non-stick like. And it's what I settled on after being weaned off the shotgun.
All in all it was good clean fun to be honest, I was like Brenda or Audrey from the kitchen towel ads. Whichever one has more stubble and is crappest at cleaning. (The other one's just a smug ould wagon and wants a good kick in the hole).

They didn't buy it by the way. Not yet anyway.

Meanwhile, back at the coal face - I always refer to work in this way, because my boss makes me feel all dirty and I'd like to burn him until he glows red - I landed the plum draw of getting to work every single day of the Easter break until about 2am each morning. I could scarcely believe my luck! It's like wandering zombie-like through a half life, people are on holidays while I'm working, I'm getting to bed at 3am and up at midday, I literally don't know what day it is and every where I look, I see pints of Smithwicks making comely eyes at me like little shimmery red mirages. And divil a weekend off coming for ages either. BIG SIGH!

Life? Are you listening? I'm going to get you back for this, just you watch me.

That's about all that's been happening. I could mention certain very dramatic plans I've been fomenting during my enforced absence from work, social scene, life and anything approaching a decent existence, but I've some way to go before seeing them to fruition so I'll say nothing. Besides, I like to end in an atmosphere heavy with intrigue, and to leave people wondering.

...

...

...

Oh alright then, I'm going back to the nude modelling. Hands up, who wants to see my willy?

22 moos and woofs:

Susan said...

*hands up*

Terence McDanger said...

Comment of the day, from the woman in the corner in the dirty mac!

Radge said...

I feel a caricature coming on, you shameless exhibitionist you.

Adullamite said...

Count me out!

Meadow said...

Desert us for ages and then arrive back and think it'll all be okay if you just tempt us with seeing your willy?!

...

Yeah, go on then.

Baino said...

Sounds like a whirlwind couple of weeks. Good luck with the flat and no . .please don't flash in my general direction!

Maxi Cane said...

I want to see it, but just to reassure myself that all are smaller than mine.

Terence McDanger said...

Passive genital husbandry, my good Radge?

Adullamite, it's a fine specimen altogether. I don't show it to just anyone you know. Well, I used to at school for 10p a look, but I mean now that I'm all grown up and stuff. Why can't you be more like Meadow there, at least she's considerate and makes my willy feel important.

Baino, if ever I see you, I'll roll that beggar up and tie him round my waist, save you the shock.

Maxi, I'll see your drainpipe and I'll raise you my jousting lance. Now, just how fucked up are all those allusions?

Looking forward to cacthing up with your blogs soon guys. Now I must to bed, having just finished work. Jazes...

hope said...

Having just finished up with the Easter Egg Hunt from hell,[which is part of my job and the word "hell" sums it up nicely] I'm not sure I could handle any more excitement, thanks. Top it off, the pollen and I got into a fighting match...it won. When I'm not sneezing, I'm coughing and frankly, not feeling very sociable at the moment so I'll spare you.

Glad to know you're not dead or locked away in the nut house. :) I didn't know how Susan and I were going to afford the Private Detective to go hunting for you. Then we got sidetracked by all the Easter chocolate. ;)

Red Leeroy said...

you're back. I thought that flu had ended it all for good. But now we have Brenda and Audrey, woks, wasps and gongoes. What could possibly go wrong? Welcome home !!!

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